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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27333886">and I wither underneath</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bereft_of_frogs/pseuds/bereft_of_frogs'>bereft_of_frogs</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>let the human in (whumptober 2020) [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Asphyxiation, Canon Compliant, Extremely Dubious Consent, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, M/M, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Rape/Non-con Elements, Trauma, Whump, Whumptober 2020, the third part is real fucked up i have no excuses for myself be warned</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 23:34:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,852</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27333886</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bereft_of_frogs/pseuds/bereft_of_frogs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Thor catches with him fiddling with the seam of his shirt collar one night, starting off into space and absentmindedly running his fingers over the stitches.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Are you all right?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Loki’s lips twitch into the shadow of a smile. “Of course.”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Loki is haunted by four collars.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>En Dwi Gast | Grandmaster/Loki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>let the human in (whumptober 2020) [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1993756</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>153</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>and I wither underneath</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>written for whumptober 2020 day 2: In the Hands of the Enemy (collars) </p>
<p>warnings: implied torture, extremely dubious consent, asphyxiation   [note the <em>lack</em> of the major character death tag - it is not fatal, but is described]</p>
<p>fic title: 'Thousand Eyes', Of Monsters and Men</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>i.</p>
<p>This collar is heavy and iron. It wears away sores on his neck, his shoulders. It’s the first, and the one that haunts him the longest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Loki lands after his long fall and at first cannot move, stunned by the impact with the rock. Then there are creatures around him, grasping at his limbs and he fights back, killing several before they fall on him in greater numbers, shrieking in fury. They beat him and it doesn’t take much to get him back flat on his stomach, unable to do more than try to keep breathing and protect his head. The beating stops at a voice, deeper and more human than the creatures screeching. Loki still doesn’t move. He doesn’t struggle this time, too broken and bruised to do so. Blood drips down his nose, he coughs and it floods his mouth.</p>
<p>Hands grip his arms and drag him to his knees. They pull his arms behind his back and bind his wrists tightly with rough chains. Chains around his ankles, with just enough give that if he were physically able to walk, he could.</p>
<p>Then the collar. Heavy, close to his throat. It’s fastened with a thick padlock. The metal is stained and smells like old sweat and blood. It has a chain affixed to it, but for now they have little use of the chain. Since he cannot walk, they have to drag him with hands under his arms, to let the toes of his boots scrape across the stone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The collar stays on for a long time. By the time Thanos decides to remove it, there are more secure bonds on him, unseen ones that keep him prisoner just as well as the collar and chains had. He has long given up any thought of escape. When it comes off, the skin underneath is open and weeping pus. He is given no bandages or medicine, and alone in the dark has to use a piece of broken glass for a mirror to tear fabric from his clothes and dab at the sores with the tepid water he’s meant to drink.</p>
<p>He doesn’t weep, though the tears prickle at his eyes. The wounds grow infected and leave him twisting in the grip of a fever for several days until Thanos takes pity on him and allows Gamora to give him a shot of antibiotics and let him rest for a few days to recover.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>ii.</p>
<p>This collar is nothing. It could be torn away, with a well placed blow. The chains that encircle him are not so flimsy though, and cannot be broken. And they’d have to be, for him to reach the symbolic bit of nothing around his neck.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Loki submits with his head held high and his spine very straight this time. No one makes eye contact with him as they replace his temporary manacles he’d been bound with on Earth with more secure chains. The guards that surround him shift their weight awkwardly between their feet, but hold their weapons at the ready if he decides to attempt escape. He doesn’t. He doesn’t want to give his fa- to give Odin the satisfaction.</p>
<p>The guards leave the collar for last. The rest of the chains binding his limbs and his waist are in place when the captain takes the last bit of chain and fixes it to the collar. He still doesn’t look Loki in the eye as he latches it around his neck. He wonders if it’s because they’re still conflicted about his strange position as prince and prisoner, or if they think he will curse them if they catch his eye. He won’t. Even if he could use his magic, he wouldn’t waste it on cursing these nothings.</p>
<p>It’s a little bit tempting, as they pull him forward by the chains and humiliation rises as heat in his cheeks. But the doors to the throne room open and he catches a glimpse of Fa- of <em>Odin</em> and the humiliation turns to fury and he redirects his ire towards its true target.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Later, in his cell, the room where Odin has promised he would live out the rest of his long life, the guards remove his chains, including the collar, and leave him alone. He touches his throat. He doesn’t know what to feel anymore. A prisoner still, a prisoner always but at least this is not Sanctuary, and the iron doesn’t drag him down. He takes a deep breath, and sits in the uncertain storm of his feelings.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>iii.</p>
<p>The Grandmaster likes collars. There are more than one.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come on,” the Grandmaster says, twirling it around a finger. “For me?”</p>
<p>Loki thinks of heavy iron and the weight of it, and swallows, but nods. “Anything for you.”</p>
<p>The Grandmaster fastens it around his throat. It’s tight, almost enough to restrict his breathing. Loki forces himself to calm. The Grandmaster positions him on his hands and knees and kneels behind him. In the middle of their fucking, the Grandmaster reaches down to draw back his hair, to run his thumbs over the leather. “Yes,” he says as he drives further inside him, thrusting harder. “It’s a good look for you.” He comes still caressing the leather, hand heavy on the back of Loki’s neck.</p>
<p>The Grandmaster shows him his collection of collars and Loki nearly vomits at some of them. Ones with spikes, and gemstones. Ones with links that can be tightened. “Choose one.”</p>
<p>Loki is still thinking about the iron. “I couldn’t possibly.”</p>
<p>“Go ahead.”</p>
<p>He swallows and looks back at the wall. His mind is blank, recalling old screams and healed over wounds. He chokes on the decision, unable to act.</p>
<p>The Grandmaster smiles patiently. Like he has read Loki’s mind and plucked out the worst possible option, he reaches over and pulls out a smooth metal ring. It’s silver, not iron, and light, but the way it fits to his throat is all-too reminiscent. He draws Loki’s hair away from his neck and clasps the collar around it like he’s giving him an opulent necklace.</p>
<p>Loki doesn’t remember much of the following hours.</p>
<p>“You just have the most magnificent neck,” the Grandmaster whispers in his ear. There’s no collar involved this time, just the Grandmaster’s hand, running appreciatively over his skin, his thumb tracing across his pulse point. “It really is fantastic. Long and pale. Regal.”</p>
<p>Loki is very drunk. Maybe more. He thought he’d tasted something extra slipped in his drink. “Thanks ever so much,” is all he can find to say. His tongue feels clumsy. He drops his head back onto the cushions and closes his eyes, letting the Grandmaster continue his admiration.</p>
<p>“Really just…beautiful.” The Grandmaster bends down to kiss his throat. He breathes hot air onto his skin. He presses his body closer, erection prodding into Loki’s hip. The Grandmaster bites down on the muscles of his neck hard enough to hurt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When the Grandmaster brings out the chain with a hungry smile, Loki wonders where he had erred and says as much. “Have I displeased you?”</p>
<p>“Not at all,” the Grandmaster says. “No, no, no. The opposite, in fact. You’ve been so good.” He runs his hand over Loki’s throat, thumb down the side of his trachea. “Very good.”</p>
<p>Everything starts normally. Loki is on all fours, thinking about how his knees are aching from being constantly pressed into the rough carpets. The chained collar seems to have just been decoration - just another way for the Grandmaster to decorate what he considers one of Loki’s best features. Loki is beginning to belief he will get out of this one unscathed, when the Grandmaster’s hand traces up his spine and hooks a finger into the loop on the end of the collar.</p>
<p>“No, wait-” Loki barely manages to say before the Grandmaster yanks back on the chain and it tightens brutally around Loki’s throat, cutting off his air. He can hear the Grandmaster’s low laugh transforming into a moan as Loki struggles, scrabbling at the collar with desperate fingers. There’s just enough air getting through the noose to keep Loki from passing out completely, just enough to keep his struggling and on the edge. The Grandmaster keeps pounding into him, even more excited by his wriggling.</p>
<p>At some point, Loki looses the coordination to keep himself upright and falls forward, trying to gasp for air. The Grandmaster goes with him, pinning him down with one hand, the other holding the chain taut.</p>
<p>“Yes. Just the most beautiful neck,” he says, voice rough with lust. “Just beautiful.”</p>
<p>Loki chokes. The Grandmaster pulls the chain tighter, sealing his windpipe completely now. Loki can hear the blood rushing in his hears. His face feels like his swelling, lips throbbing as his chest heaves and gets no air. There’s blackness growing at the edge of his vision, closing in and narrowing his sight to pinpricks. His lungs burn, he tries vainly one more time to buck away, to free himself, then he hears the Grandmaster groan loudly.</p>
<p>The collar suddenly releases and air floods into his lungs. He sucks it in greedily, then realizes he’s coming too, ejaculating across the carpet. His body feels far away from him. He gets no real pleasure from this, just relief.</p>
<p>The Grandmaster reaches around him to grip his cock, pumping out the last of his orgasm. Loki shudders. He wants to scream, or vomit, but can do nothing but breathe.</p>
<p>“Such a perfect neck,” the Grandmaster coos. He kisses at his throat and it stings.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>iv.</p>
<p>Loki used to like shirts with high collars. He still wears them now, but it’s not out of any fashion sensibility anymore. Now it’s like a shield.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Loki wakes frequently from nightmares, grasping at his throat. Sometimes he’s screaming and he has to regularly remember to soundproof his room to prevent anyone from hearing.</p>
<p>Sometimes he doesn’t sleep at all. He catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror the next morning. There are deep bruises under his eyes, a hollowness to his cheek that’s never been there before. When he turns his head back and forth, he thinks he can still see the shadow of bruises on his throat. There’s the faintest shadow of scars where his neck meets his shoulders.</p>
<p>He shrugs on his shirt, buttoning the collar up as high as the clasps go. He casts a glamour over the rest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thor catches with him fiddling with the seam of his shirt collar one night, starting off into space and absentmindedly running his fingers over the stitches.</p>
<p>“Are you all right?”</p>
<p>Loki’s lips twitch into the shadow of a smile. “Of course.” Thor doesn’t look convinced, but Loki turns away from his look of concern and gazes back out at the stars, falling quickly back into his reverie.</p>
<p>It’s just a matter of time before the iron collar returns. He knows he’s living on borrowed freedom. Thanos is still out there, it is only a matter of time before he finds him. He holds the Tesseract in a secret pocket and waits for the inevitable.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yeah, this one was just angst. Fucked up angst. Not much else going on. I have no excuses. XD Though, since it ends before IW, while they're traveling through space after Ragnarok, you could definitely imagine that Loki does eventually confess what happened to Thor and they talk it out and Loki does indeed get that hug. But I ended it with just angst, my apologies. ;-) </p>
<p>Hope you all enjoyed - as always comments/kudos/shares/frogs always appreciated. If you're just joining, I'm posting all of my whumptober fills in a <em>series</em> this year. I'll be posting again tomorrow, but it's not in the MCU, so don't get too excited. (Though I'm always looking to drag more people into my tiny airplane show fandom ;-) ) I'll be back on Thursday with another 'AU-Canon Divergence-adventures-of-Thor-and-Loki' fic. :-) </p>
<p>Otherwise, have a lovely afternoon!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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